It's official - I will accept my award for WORST MOTHER EVER now. Thank you, Thank you.

(Repost from October, 2009.)

Let it never be said that when I strive to do something, by God, I don't go all the hell out. Never one to do anything half-assed, I really exceeded even MY expectations this time.

I sold my son's Wii.

Thank you, thank you - wow, this award was SO unexpected - I didn't even have a speech ready.

I made my son take a 0 on his homework a few weeks ago because his continued irresponsibility forced him to forget his homework several times. He just assumed we could make a copy of his sister's homework and he would be home free. Um, no, I do not play that way. Take the '0', suffer the consequences, and be grounded in the meantime.

The last few days have been quite hectic - my elbow, my friend Colleen's daughter, getting ready for Homecoming weekend - nothing is ever exactly 'calm' around here, but this week has just been exceptionally crazy. Add into all of that craziness the fact my twins both have science projects due tomorrow. These projects were assigned two weeks ago - hardly enough time, in my opinion, to conduct a really cool science project, but oh well. Do your research kids, start typing the shit you need for the boards, and I will help you put it together.

Wednesday night, 9:42 PM - I have just come home from Columbus, I am tired, I am cranky, all this is already equalling a cold dark night in the Hawley home, about to get colder:

Me: Where is your research?
Them: Well, my project is blah blah blah blah....
Me: Okay, where is the research you have done?
Them: What research?
Me: (my blood pressure is starting to rise out of control...) Uh, the research that will tell you why or why not your project will work the way it is supposed to - the research that you are supposed to use to write your paragraph which is due tomorrow...you know, research.
Them: We haven't done any.

WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????????

Panic mode sets in. Angry mode sets in shortly thereafter. Insane mode is quickly approaching.

After quite sometime helping them do research, I tell both of them I am contemplating making them take the '0' on the paragraph and to go to bed. Here is where the 'Insane' portion of the night begins.

Me: You two need to learn that YOUR homework is YOUR responsibility - you have told me you have been working on this, I find out 48 hours before project is due that you haven't done shit, and so now you may very well have to suffer the consequences. I will decide if you are taking the zero - go to bed.

(Crying from Mackenzie...Johnathon is surprisingly calm...)

Johnathon: It's okay Kenz - we will only hafta miss 15 minutes of recess - no big deal.

I think I felt the remainder of my eggs go sterile at that exact second, as my body knew I was gaining an animal instinct leading me to possibly eat any future young I may produce.

And then, here it goes:

Me: Guess what - see that Wii I grounded you from? Say goodbye - I'm selling the damn thing.

INSANE crying then ensues, the oldest spawn throws a complete fit with a "HEY!! I DID MY SCIENCE PROJECTS!!!" and all three kids go to bed.

This morning, I think the son feels I am blowing fluff up his ass - I am not going to sell the Wii, and Elizabeth seems amazingly calm for something that is not her fault, so he just gathers all of that stimuli as "shes full of crap." (side note - Elizabeth is only calm because she doesn't give a crap since she never plays it anymore anyway...)

Nope - I posted the following Craigslist ad as he got home from school:

Wii Gaming system with 2 'wii-motes' and nunchucks. Will throw in third wii-mote and nunchuck for free (works fine but the battery cover is chewed on the wii-mote) Four games included: Wii Sports which came with system, Lego Star Wars, Final Fantasy Chocobo's Dungeon, and Super Monkey Ball Banana Blitz. All cords and the sensor are of course included. Selling to teach my son a very valuable lesson that grades are more important than video games, and priorities do not include Zelda or what level he conquered today. Would prefer he conquer his spelling list and his science project. $170 FIRM - he invested way more than that money wise into it so this is a VERY fair offer. I am not interested in trading, holding it until you get your allowance, or bartering for anything else. Cash Only.

Cheap, (used consoles at Gamestop are $169, so this was comparable to other offers I saw for used systems) Ad was up for 10 minutes. Buyer contacted me, drove straight here from Fairborn, gave me the money, and is gone. Johnathon is devastated.

I am sure he hates me, I am sure everyone thinks I am nuts. I, however, know this is the ONE way to get his attention. I aint messin around, and if you think your balls are big enough to play with me bring it on.

You'll be doing your science project and looking at the hole in the entertainment center where the Wii once sat.