Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that at 39, I would revert back to fifth grade.
It's not like they pull you aside and tell you as a child that someday, when you are all grown up, you will have a flood of memories come back to haunt you and you will deal with old issues that you thought were long gone. If anything, they lie to you and tell you that someday you will "look back at all of this and laugh".
I am not laughing.
My son has had to deal with random acts of stupidity called bullying for over three years now. I guess he is singled out because he just is not one of the 'cool kids' - he has strawberry blond hair, tons of freckles, and the genetic betrayal of DNA which has led to teeth that are in serious need of braces. He tried to play football and hated it due to a coach that thought 'wee football' meant 'pro-draft', tried baseball and that just didn't fly either, so I guess you could say he is just not athletically inclined. Being my son, however, I love him DEARLY, would give my life for that boy in a second, and could care less about what he looks like on the outside. He is one of the most loving children I have ever seen, is sharp as a tack (even if he doesn't use it all the time) and is an all around good kid. He will talk to anyone about anything, which can potentially be his downfall from time to time as, lets face it, not everyone likes to talk. I guess Johnathon sees it as being friendly to everyone, and not holding anything against him.
Wish every kid was like him.
The last few years, these nerdy traits have placed a bulls eye on his back for bullies, as if they have some radar in their minds that attracts them to what they see as easy targets. He has been harassed, made fun of, and now, assaulted when some boys pushed him into a ditch.
The flood I was referring to came gushing back this past Friday when, at a football game, my youngest daughter comes running to me in the stands saying "MOM!! THEY ARE DOING IT AGAIN!!". I tore out of those stands, like a mama bear about to brutally attack that evenings potential dinner, and found the boys. One was crying, as apparently my son, in a futile attempt to fight back had hit one of them in the head with a plastic soda bottle. I laid into all of them anyway - telling them that if they so much as breathed in the direction of my son from now on, I would be up their asses like white on rice. "I'm gonna go tell my dad you threatened me", one said. "GOOD!! Go tell your dad - I will rip him apart , too! I guess it's okay for you to bully my son, but when someone bullies YOU, you run and tell your daddy?? Go get him - I'll whip his ass also" was all I could muster out.
Not my finest hour. Probably not the way I should have handled it. Do I give a crap now? Partly yes, mostly no.
I was bullied in fifth grade - a LOT - mostly because we lived in an exclusive suburb of South Dayton and my mom was the epitome of white trash in their eyes: we lived in low income housing, and my Tretorns were actually purchased at K-mart and were cheap knockoffs. My Gloria Vanderbuilts were Wranglers. I babysat for weeks to save up $37.95 for an Izod shirt (cheap by today's standards, but this was the early 80's after all...). I was bullied because I just didn't have what the other kids had, and remember crying every day because I was so embarrassed. I had the lowest self esteem ever, which is only increased by the normal shit that you go through anyway in 5th and 6th grade. You get to a point where you believe everything everyone says about you, because you hear compliments so rarely that the bad stuff must be true.
I grew out of mine - I wish I had some magical cure to share with everyone out there but I don't. I just woke up and realized you know what?? To hell with this shit. I am better than all of this.
It doesn't mean though that sometimes I have walls that are very hard to break through, even to this day.
To watch my son go through this, however, has brought it all back. I just do not understand it - I have taught my children that everyone is different, and these differences are what make us awesome individuals, capable of coming together and accomplishing anything we set our minds to. Someone elses difference could be the strength you need. Doesn't mean you need to get along with everyone, nor will you ever get along with everyone, but at least respect them as you would want them to respect you.
Did I go to another class than everyone else out there?? Why do *I* get this and other parents don't?
Many people say that bullies are lacking something at home, and to be honest I am not finding that to be entirely true. I am starting to blame the PARENTS for this crap more than I am the kid. It is not that they are absent from their lives or anything; rather, I think in a lot of instances, these punks are TAUGHT that bullying is cool - that being part of the cool crowd, no matter what the consequences, is far better than caring about people or respecting them. That to be on the football team and be the homecoming king eventually means that you have to act like a complete punk in order to get there. Be the strong kid who everyone else wants to be. Who cares what you do now - someday you will look back at it all and laugh.
Still not laughing.
I will continue to teach my kids to respect everyone, but now in my curriculum I will teach that you do not have to be a doormat either. Fighting back is acceptable to me, and I will defend you every time. "Turn the other cheek" can only go so far, before you have to fight back to teach someone to back off.
I hate telling my son that someday he will look back on all of this and laugh - because I look back on mine and still cry. What I AM going to tell him, however, is that someday, he will look back on this and laugh not because it is over and done with, but because he will not have wasted his whole youth trying to be one of the "in crowd" , who are still as fickle and fake in adulthood as they were in school. He will be successful and happy because he held his ground and continued being who he is, regardless of what these stupid jerks thought about it.
And he will laugh even harder when he is so much more of a man than these boys ever will be - full of love, respect, and kindness, and happier than words can describe.
NOW I am laughing.
